Things I know to be True


There are specific moments in your life that you wish you had someone to share them with and there are several friends, whom on this night, I wish I could have shared this experience. But like with every situation in life some scenarios are to be experienced alone and those memories are the ones that will stay with you forever. 

I watched ‘Things I Know to be True’ by Andrew Bovell at the Lyric Theatre in Hammersmith last Friday, produced by Frantic Assembly. What a great piece of writing! For the first time in a long time I  was moved (well utterly flabbergasted), I was transformed by a shift of emotions and inspired by some brilliantly observed writing about familial life. The play was about an ageing couple, the husband retired, the wife still working as a Nurse with four grown up children. The play opens with the youngest daughter…

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Introducing Mia.


‘Upstart’ is the name of my short film, it’s about a female boxer who lives in the shadow of her brother’s success as a former boxer. Mia is seeking to find who she is and where she fits in the world.

Who am I? Well, I am Maria Thomas. I’m an Actress, Producer, Writer and a lot more like most people. I have so much passion about life, learning new things, discovering new places, listening to new people even the ones that annoy you. You can find my Producer page on Facebook, under Maria Thomas and I will shortly begin a page on ‘Upstart’.

‘Upstart’ is written, co-produced, co-directed and starring me. If you going to do a first project, you may as well do it all.

How did this idea come about? I did a play about a girl called ‘Cutter’, which is also the title of the piece by…

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In the grand scheme of things…



Well, the last 12 months has been an eye opener of familial life, career, bullying, patterns of life, responsibilities and all the past memories or experiences I have gone through and still go through.

There are some memories I cannot wipe away but manage them on a day to day, month to month basis. Some memories like tonight, where I look at the clock at 12:20am and remember on this New Year’s Eve like every other for the last six years; you are no longer in my life. I cannot celebrate another year with you, go shopping with you, tell you about all the exciting moments in my life or share the partner in my life with you. We are no longer a family unit because the glue that held us together is no longer there.

We may have argued, hurt one another, spoken harsh words but isn’t that what…

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The class division themes of Wreck-It Ralph

The Film Game Guy


Wreck-It-Ralph is a film about division:

  • The Have and Have Nots.
  • Good and Evil
  • Heroes (and glitches) and villains.
  • The bourgeois and the proletariat.

The Nicelanders live off Wreck-It Ralph’s misery as the villain and Fix-it Felix’s fame as the hero in a rigged game. I nickname it the Programmer’s Joke. Shintoist feelings that everything has a spirit definitely are present in this Toy Story for video games story.

Groupthink and just wanting to fit in is a key theme in this film and maybe even most Pixar films, influenced by the American Dream. Wreck-It Ralph is this film’s Buzz Lightyear, becoming his own Neo/Morpheus and decide to take the hero pill instead of the villain pill: he starts his own journey into finding his own path, like that of a Joseph Campbell hero, instead of what his programmer, God, etc told him to do.

On the other side, there is the Agent Smith of the game…

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Passed Trauma

Passed Trauma

Don’t ask me why I feel this way
I do not know myself
It’s a feeling of depression
A sinking feeling
Maybe closer to suicidal tendencies
Brain anomalies and head aches
In the wake of some trauma I cannot remember

A memory passed through generations
In my previous life I was an alien
In the life before that I was a centurion
I’ve killed thousands of innocents across the space time continuum
I’ve been the rapist and the rape victim
Pleading for assistance nobody listened
I probably deserved it
They said I was asking for it
Now I sit in this lonely room

Lethargic from sleeping too much
Exhausted from not sleeping enough
Narcoleptic insomniac
Was I ever really alive to begin with?
Would anyone even miss me?

I’m convinced now my departure would go unnoticed
Perhaps a few would cry
But all would get over it
I’m as insignificant to this existence
As anything can be

To any who may be paying attention
Either in this life or the next one

Thank you.

BH the Uncivilised | Copyright © 2015

The Tale of David: The Last of Us, Fan Fiction

The Tale of David (Based on The Last of Us)
BH the Uncivilised | Copyright (c) 2014

I was like you once. I lived in the world. I had a home, a wife, 2 daughters, I had a job. Worked at this big city bank in what used to be Dallas. Worked there for maybe 6 years, seems like a life time ago now. My wife, Maria, she was a ballet dancer, she was good at it, won a few tournaments and whatnot. The girls, twins, Gail and Abi, they were 5 when the virus broke. Such wonder girls,

I remember, the day right before the outbreak I got fired. When I got home, I told Maria. I just needed her to say it’s OK, y’know? Just to say, don’t worry about it. That’s when she felt the need to confess she’s been having an affair. One of very few times I got angry. Funny how life can kick you when you’re down. The whole time I worked at Franklin  I saw folks stab each other in the back to get ahead. Lie, steal, I saw the most amount of hypocrisy, condescension, and just blatant rudeness. And I hated it. I hated every single second of it; I tried so hard to rise above, just to get pushed back down at every turn.

But I kept going, I knew I couldn’t be that guy who tells his daughters to stand up for what the believe in, and not do the same, I just couldn’t. And perhaps I let my work issues cloud my mind; evidently I was too distracted to pay attention to my wife. So she found someone who did. I tried to forgive her, I wanted to forgive her. I wanted to tell her that I understood.

That was the first time I ever hit a woman. I kept hitting her over, and over, I held her down and smashed her face with my fist.

I saw a film once, might have been a documentary, they said when a boy kills his mother, it’s called matricide, when a boys kills his mother, there’s usually multiple stab wounds because the boy feels some kind of liberation in overcoming the mothers control over him.

When I finally got up, and gazed upon the bloody mess of a body that used to be Maria, used to be my wife, it was that thought that entered my mind.


I went to my girls’ room, they could sleep through anything. They were so young, so beautiful. Such a shame they were amongst the first to get infected. Being the one who had to put a bullet through both their heads, that’s an image I’ll never forget.

They say this virus; makes people crazy, that they’re no longer themselves. What I saw was creatures what only cared about their own survival; I’ve been around that long enough to know.

The government announced their plans to create quarantine zones, but I didn’t want to be controlled anymore. The outbreak was mainly in the cities so I left, headed out, I don’t know which direction, I just got in my car and drove ’til I ran out of gas. Ended up maybe 10 miles outside Dallas, then I walked, and kept walking.

Along the way, I killed infected, countless infected. I killed what animals I could find for food. I met some people, all kinds of people, homeless, farmers, criminals but no matter what their background was, we all had one thing in common. None of us felt like living under military control was any place we wanted to be. So we banded together, and we met more and more people like us, somewhere along the way they started to look to me as their leader. That’s all I needed, to be responsible for these good folks.

There weren’t many women with us, over the years they died out, whether infected with cordyceps or unfortunate accidents. Some were killed by members of other groups. And as food got scarcer and our group got larger. It became apparent we had to take drastic measures to survive. I don’t just mean killing folks that attack us; we’d all gotten pretty used to that.

Human flesh has a weird taste to it and I’m pretty sure eating too much would kill us all. So we stock pile, try to preserve the bodies, only eat if necessary.

The problem I have now is what happens next? I mean, now that the women are gone.

My men have been dying for years; recently a mad man and a little girl have been killing off large numbers of us. Now we have the little girl, she’s maybe 12, 13 something like that. Old enough to bear children. And I know plenty of my men would want to, shall we say, ‘have a go’. But all of us are much older, and I’m not sure I’m ready to go down that path just yet, but who’s to say we’ll get another chance.

So here I am, I lost count of how old I am, I’ve killed more people than I care to remember, I’ve eaten the flesh of my enemies and now I’m contemplating breeding with a child. All in the name of survival.

Be careful what you hate. It will become you.

So go ahead, call me a demon. But do so knowing, I am the American dream.


David TLoU

The Last of Us: Left Behind – Case Study

The Last of Us: Left Behind – Case Study

BH the Uncivilised | Copyright © 2014


The aim of this case study is to examine the relationship between Ellie and Riley using Left Behind and American Dreams and look at how it affects Ellie’s character during The Last of Us. So to clarify before continuing, this will contain multiple spoilers for The Last of Us, American Dreams and Left Behind.

Main Article
The relationship between Ellie and Riley is a complicated one. One I believe to be more complicated than it appears. Not so much complicated in terms of how either Ellie or Riley feel about it (although that too may have its share of complexity) but more so in the sense of how to describe it.

From The Last of Us, we get the impression that they were friends and even close friends. But when we go back to American dreams, we find out they weren’t really friends, at least not in the traditional sense. They meet by Riley saving Ellie from some bullies, but then stealing her walkman. Now in a world where people don’t have much stealing isn’t surprising. But what’s interesting is that when Ellie realised the walkman was stolen and confronts Riley, Ellie is angry while Riley is smiling and really doesn’t protest much before giving it back. So what does this tell us? Perhaps Riley wasn’t stealing out of need, but out of a sense of enjoyment. From the earlier conversation Ellie has with the soldier, we know that the quiet reclusive Ellie is no stranger to trouble herself. So this could be what the initial attraction was, Ellie seeing Riley as the cool older kid that isn’t afraid to break the rules, perhaps even seeing her as something to aspire to.

By the end of American Dreams, I’d still be reluctant to say they are traditional friends. It is clear that Riley is impressed with Ellie’s persistence, and I think it fair to say she sees her as a kind of student, someone to show the ropes to. But there was a definite bonding moment when they had just been attacked by infected.

Although not documented, the time between American Dreams and Left Behind seems to be when they were at the their happiest in terms of their relationship until Riley left to join the Fireflies, as Ellie remarks, they were better than good.

So this now leads us to Left Behind, where it’s almost as if they’re meeting for the first time again. They have the awkward moments as Riley acts is if nothing has happened while Ellie wants to talk about it. It plays out similar to America Dreams in that it’s Ellie following Riley on an adventure. Through out that there are various points where it seems that they’re holding something back.

And then we come to the kiss. A lot of what is currently going around on the internet is stating that Ellie and Riley are lesbians or Bi-Sexual. I don’t think that’s the case, or rather, they may very well be, but I wouldn’t draw that conclusion based on this. I think there is definitely an attraction and they definitely care for each other deeply, even deeper than they may like to admit at times. But none of that really means they see each as lovers. I could be wrong, but the real truth is, it doesn’t matter.

As I said in the beginning, their relationship is complex; it’s also a very interesting one and certainly leaves a lot to think about.


That Little Girl

That Little Girl (Based on The Last of Us)
BH the Uncivilised | Copyright © 2014

When we met she was annoying
Some jumped up puffy faced kid
Who was way too inquisitive
We didn’t get along
I wasn’t even trying
My guns was all I wanted
And even then
I wondered whether this whole ordeal was worth it
From pretty much the beginning
She was asking questions I didn’t want to answer
I thought to myself there’s no way I’m putting up with this for much longer
I’m too old for this nonsense
But they say there’s something about children
Something about their pure spirit
That even the most callous find hard to resist
That unwittingly, your heart always gives in
All I know is
Since Sarah I haven’t…
I don’t really talk about feelings
In this life it doesn’t bode well to have them
All I’ve been doing is surviving
Days and nights pass by
And I hear the screaming
On plenty of occasions
I’ve thought about ending
I’m not always sure what’s kept me going
“No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for”
I told myself that so many times before
I didn’t always believe it
But somewhere between
Annoying child
To saving my ass a few times
To seeing her on that table
Maybe, just maybe I’m capable of love again
Even if I have to lie and kill for the privilege

Don’t You Dare Call My Unicorn a Pet

Don’t You Dare Call My Unicorn a Pet

BH the Uncivilised | Copyright © 2014

Don’t you dare call my Unicorn a pet
My Unicorn stands erect
Her muscles flex when she takes a stride
Pride, does not describe her majesty
The fact most think she’s a travesty, is a tragedy
And you say to me, ‘There’s no evidence’
I say ‘You are looking in the wrong places’
There are spaces, on earth that humans never go to
Perhaps you were told not to
Or perhaps you were going to
But couldn’t see what was in front of you
And decided it wasn’t worth another step

But don’t you dare call my Unicorn a Pet
My Unicorn has wings like Pegasus
Can fly long distances
High above tall buildings and
Can summon the wind by calling it
Shit. My Unicorn slays demons
Destroys feeble creatures
And when she goes to war, the devil packs his suit case
And in case, you are wondering
Her horn is made from the gold
You would find at the end of a rainbow
Her voice is like the sound of a halo
And no homo sapiens, can ever brand their mark upon her chest

So don’t you dare call my Unicorn a pet


Illustration by Flying Pony

Beware My Unicorn – Elias, age 9 and 3/4

It’s a good feeling to know that you’ve inspired something, especially something awesome, like this poem by 9 and 3/4 year old Elias, after hearing Don’t You Dare Call My Unicorn a Pet.

Beware my unicorn. Hes tough n rough And he likes to ruffle stuff. Rainbow spit Gripping feet As you probably know… he has a horn made of gold. After eating jam tarts he tends to laugh Cos this is my unicorn for all to dread… so my unicorns NOT a pet.

Below illustration by James The Desert